ADHD, Automatic Thoughts, av8r007 @ WW Connect, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Depression, Finances, Technology, Weight Watchers

Change is in the air

I cannot express to you how different I feel this year compared to last.  As I look back in the past year, I see and find so many vast differences in my mood, my outlook, my body, and most importantly my dedication to lead a happy life.    Previously I held a blog stigmaunraveled.com, and while I loved it, I didn’t enjoy the content of it because I felt that it was very dark in nature.  I felt like I’ve really worked on becoming a new person since my relationship with my ex-ended so about a month ago I decided to let the URL run out and close it out.  I imported my content into this blog so it’s there if you so desire, but it’s in the archives.

I am doing daily vlogs on WW, and I absolutely love what I do because I know it works and I know that I am inspiring millions to chase their goals and become their best version of themselves. Just like I have done.  Everything I do I do for Jesus.  I won’t lie.  It’s easy to forget who I do this for.  I remind myself constantly that I do this for Jesus because I know that he is proud of me for the work I do in the mental health community in person and within my online communities.  I included a video I did last night for you below.  If you have WW, you can find me on Connect @av8r007.

I have been working very hard on myself lately, mostly what I think of myself in the mirror and also working on my confidence when interacting with others, especially handsome men that I might be interested in getting to know. :).   I still have a hard time bringing up that I don’t drink anymore.  It’s odd.  My friends are out drinking on the weekends, and I couldn’t be happier at home either working on my YouTube channel (upcoming) or working on this blog. Writing/Recording/Vlogging brings me great joy in life.  Drinking alcohol brings me nothing but pain and suicidal thoughts and tendencies.

It wasn’t that I had a problem with alcohol, well maybe heavy pours. It was the fact that after a night of drinking I’d want to buy a gun the next day and blow my head off.  Why? Alcohol is a depressant.  I am bipolar.  I cannot drink. My life is highly valuable compared to the cost of what alcohol would cost me.  I sometimes get worried about when I go on holiday about drinking.  Oh well, my why matters more.  I’ll just take it as it comes to me.

I’ve been hard at work in the gym, and I couldn’t be happier with the results that I’m driving.  My training schedule is pretty routine which I love because routine should have been my name!  I train as follows../Tuesday/Wednesday/Friday/Saturday/Sunday.  My growth days are now Thursdays and Mondays.  Thursdays because I have weekly therapy now with my therapist Chris.  It’s hard to believe I’ve been seeing my therapist Chris for six years now.  It was just yesterday I was being diagnosed.  My how my life has changed since my diagnosis.  No regrets

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ADHD, Automatic Thoughts, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Depression, Nourishing the soul, Suicide Prevention, Weight Watchers

So much for a “Rest day..”

I have a pretty slick work out schedule these days.  I go to this gym across the street from my career which means I am out of excuses for why I cannot go to the gym today.   This is especially true since I no longer own a car and have to walk by the gym every day just to get home. 🙂  Pretty reMarkable huh?  I think so!  Why would you want a gym membership across town if you have one right next to your career land?  I’m happy about that!  Plus it’s a full gym and offers these sensational views of Puget Sound from the treadmills.  I often time get to spend my others rush-hour in traffic on the weight bench, glancing out the window and seeing the ferries leave from Seattle and sail away to the various islands of Puget Sound.

It’s been six days also without diet coke!!  It’s been pretty easy, except for every morning I’ve woken up at 3AM to an excruciating headache.  I’ve been taking some Aleve and nodding back to bed, but I know this too will pass.  I just have to remember what my dad told me when I quit smoking eight years ago.  “Marko, you’re the only goal for today is to not have a cigarette.”   He was right.  When you break down a habit that you want to break you can simplify it and make it easier to work with.  “Marko, your only goal for today is to not drink any soda.”  Notice any.  It’s not about diet coke anymore, it’s about any, and ALL soda is being rid from my system.   As an aspiring bodybuilder, I decided that it was time to give up the diet coke if I want to achieve a better body.  Plus the chemicals in Diet Coke are terrible.  But I get it.  It’s addicting and delicious.  I’ve been settling on sparkling water lately.  La Croix is old news.. Pepsi makes bubbly, and it’s equally delicious and often half the cost.  The 3 for $10 at local grocery stores is not a good deal when you look at the other brands newer to the market.  I hate drinking water, always have. In fact, I drank diet coke over water. Ugh. No more… Six days sober of Diet Coke & most importantly six days since Aspartame last entered my body.  Side note, I got 15K steps today.  I didn’t plan on it. In fact, I purposely bussed everywhere I could because I’m monitoring my muscle gain and cardio rate.  15K is much more sensible. I often think of 20K-25K steps a day I’m burning muscle when I don’t want to be.  IDK, it’s a mixed bag of arguments on that topic.  Oh well, I’m just gonna keep pushing and pulling and doing my best every day.  It’s why God put me here.  Do your best and love your neighbor.

As a manic depressive, and bipolar type 2 individual I have to keep my life in routines or else I run the risk of breaking down into a manic episode.  When I have a manic episode, I’m not shouting at the top of my lungs on the street corner, or going psychosis.  Instead, I’m lined up at Best Buy buying everything I can lay my hands on because my self-moral is in the toilet.  If I ever tell you I went to best buy, ask me how my depression is going.  I tend to shop when I have a depressive episode.  I will often try anything to feel better.  Ice Cream. Ben & Jerrys. When I am depressed, I will empty a pint a night of Ice Cream and the next day be sick to my stomach in regret.  Except now, I know that I work so hard at the gym for the results I want to drive that eating the ice cream just isn’t worth it anymore.  Instead, I’ve been grabbing those Outshine bars that are like 60 sweet calories and being 95 in Seattle, it’s delicious.

I’m so happy to be back blogging!  Oh, I’ve missed it, but I’ve been focusing on my videos.  To all my Stigma Unraveled fans welcome to the new generation of self-happiness.

Thank you, Jesus, for giving me the inspiration to do this and to follow my dreams.

Have a reMarkable Thursday

Mark