ADHD, Automatic Thoughts, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Debt, Depression, Finances, Nature, Nourishing the soul, Suicide Prevention, Technology, Uncategorized, Weight Watchers

Awesome! I feel GREAT! 👍

As I continue to learn more about my self awareness as a mental health blogger I have realized that I have so much more self control over myself because of this blog and the impact that it has had on my life in so many unexpected ways.  My Weight Watchers Connect feed is exploding and I feel SO good knowing that I am kicking ass on the program, attending meetings FINALLY showing up!

Most of all I’m happy that despite the mini meltdown on Saturday I recovered extremely quickly by reorganization my thoughts into better constructive words and made new thoughts in my head by reinforcing teachings from ‘Feeling Good’.  Overall I’m still at the same place I was two weeks ago in the book.. But that doesn’t matter.

I am better today than I was 3 months ago and it’s because of this blog and the impact that I have felt from it.  As I’ve explained to my therapist last Thursday all I do now is work my career, and then focus on this blog solely and building my online YouTube community.  In addition I am working on a miniseries with Weight Watchers Connect community on self help for mental health and provide a friendship to someone that is new to recovery or just needs someone to talk to.

After Tyler Hilinski’s death I’ve just thought more about it and realized just how out of touch the world is with mental illness and that it’s more important than ever before that WE the mental health community and the bloggers UNITE and make some magic happen!  We need to break down these stereotypes and destroy the stigma associated with mental health.    The system is completely broken and it must be fixed.  We cannot afford to lose these innocent children to depression and suicide.

 

Thank you Followers, Visitor, whoever you are, wherever you are for taking the opportunity out of your day to spend it with me.

 

I’m really working on daily content!  I’m happy!

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ADHD, Automatic Thoughts, Daily Prompt, Debt, Depression, Finances, Nature, Nourishing the soul, Suicide Prevention, Weight Watchers, YNAB

Redemption is here

44!

Remember the number 44 I’ll come back to it soon.  As many of you know I’ve been practicing the methods of CBT in David Burns ‘Feeling Good’ handbook.  I am also in therapy weekly with Chris and tonight was easily the best session to date because I was entirely focused on self, and setting up processes and routines are the key to keeping me on success.

About the 44:

Last week at my session I had to do the same survey (we do it weekly to track progress) and last week I scored a 20/25 score.Which put me at ‘Severely Depressed’ and indeed I was.  Over the course of November and December was a very dark period in my life.  I became self-obsessed with the tiniest thing in life that would just set me off and before I knew it I would focus so much negative energy in my heart into my head and it would cause me to either have a mental breakdown or a manic episode within no time.

Today before my apt I did the test again and I didn’t think about the questions I just checked it off as I went down and I scored an 8.  “Normal, but mildly depressed.”  LOL.

Well shit!  I’m not normal.

I am so excited for my blog.  I’ve been working on my YouTube channel and I need to learn how to edit videos!  I want to become good at this and learn a new skill.  I follow some really cool people on YouTube like Brian McDuff who owns a YouTube channel specializing in awesome tech and he’s a fantastic photographer and he makes really good videos.  This is the type of work I want to get involved with next.  I am fortunate to have access to Lynda.com through my local public library,.. <–AMAZING PERK!!  I was shocked when I found out that I could get that for free…. wait .. yeah free!

I’m going to go to the Library this weekend and sit down in a corner and sift out my ideas and start learning a new talent.  I absolutely admire librarians.  They’re the best teachers ever.

Thank you all for the kindness that you have shown me.  I am beyond blessed to the moon & back for all the love and courage that you’ve shown me.  You’ve allowed me to be my most vulnerable and being able to share my life with you and the struggles I face is a very rewarding experience.

ADHD, Automatic Thoughts, Daily Prompt, Debt, Depression, Finances, Nature, Nourishing the soul, Technology, Weight Watchers, YNAB

Reward: Calling lost souls

Wherever you are. Whatever country you live in. Whatever religious belief you have. Please know why this blog was created.

For Me. I need to figure out who i am and learn how to achieve happiness inside my skin. This is a first for me.

For You. When I first started this blog I had one vision in mind about what I wanted to achieve. I wanted to share my experiences with the Universe and support my community that struggles with mental illness and addictions.

For my dog: I’m sure he’s tired of me talking to him. I love you buddy. You are always a great backdrop and you’re also my best friend. I’m better everyday because of you.

For my boyfriend: I’m a complex person. You love this about me but in reality I’ve really hated myself for who I was inside and what I was trying through be. I really am working on separating myself from who I was and who I want to be in life and that takes a lot of time. I am thankful that you are by my side and supportive. I hope that I inspire you and I’m thankful for your love. I’m really working on myself and this is how I’m doing it.

Most importantly, for Me. I have to learn how to live with my mania and depression. I don’t want to be miserable the rest of my life. I want to grow. I want to inspire and to bring change and awareness to mental illness and the stigma of hate that is associated.

I’m tired of being paralyzed by my own fear of rejection and to the thousands of voices in my head. Fuck off. This isint about you anymore. It’s about my quality of my life and how I want to spend my life.

I’ve been living in a hole my entire life. It’s time I carved myself out and learned how to channel my negative energy into something life changing and positive.

This is what I want to do with my life.

ADHD, Automatic Thoughts, Depression, Finances, Nourishing the soul, Technology

Technology actually does amazing things for my depression.

Have trouble limiting social media exposure? Tech giants want it that way.

  via Technology Designed for Addiction — Psychology Today – Depression

 

For being manic I sure do love technology.. Especially expensive technology because of the falsehood in my previous life where I felt like my soul was tied to the goods I owned and not the actual person that I was.  There was just so much personal judgment there that was totally unnecessary.  It is stupid how much pressure we put on ourselves just to be happy.  I’m perfectly content with keeping the basic apps on my phone that I need access to.  For depression apps, I have many CBT apps that actually help me.  I also belong to HeadSpace

Except for the issue with these apps is I forget about them after some time because of how easily bored I can get.   I definitely believe that children need to limit the amount of screen time that they receive.  I see so many kids these days with tablets glued to their faces as parents use it for an escape route.  I get it.  If I could give my dog a tablet I would.  I applaud any parent.  I couldn’t raise a kid worth shit.  This is why I have a dog.  A cute pup.  We had such a good day today.    There is an app called Stigma that is surprisingly well polished as works a social penpal networking tool.  It’s really unique and gives voices a chance to be heard.