Choosing to live a life of 100% sobriety is not easy. In fact, it’s the hardest challenge I have faced in recent years. I thought losing weight was the hardest thing ever!
Alcohol is available everywhere, just like cigarettes. You walk to a grocery store and you see stockpiles of liqueur in the middle of the store, and you find cigarettes behind the cashier ready for sale. The addiction is legit, and if we’re not careful then we can end up in a rut of personal hell where every goal we set for ourselves is plagued with regret and despair because all we wanted to do was drink ourselves to oblivion, or.. death. Lord knows I did.
The silver lining in this whole sobriety thing is that I no longer want to kill myself sober. I’ve realized that all of my suicidal ideas that came to me were because of my substance abuse and the number of drugs that were riddled in my blood. My sponsor and I are working on the 12 steps, and I recently completed working through Step 1 “We admitted we were powerless of alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.”
Let’s think about that for a second.. “that our lives had become unmanageable.” What does this really mean? Is this me? Is my life manageable while I am using drugs and alcohol? Absolutely NOT! Addiction was plaguing and ruining every self-positive thing I was trying to do. I couldn’t do anything right in my life because I wouldn’t quit spending money on things I didn’t need, and my depression and anxiety were all over the map because my medications couldn’t do their job. I would drink as soon as I walked in the door from work, and I would smoke as soon as I sat down ready to unwind. I did this 7 days a week 365 days a year. Yep… Unmanagable for sure.
My sponsor and I met last week to dissect Step 1 and I ended up writing out 8 pages of raw emotions on my spiral bound notebook. It was a highly emotional experience.
I love who I am becoming. Stronger EVERY DAY!
One Day At A Time! ❤
34 days clean