Today is a rest day from the gym and quite honestly I hate rest days because I feel like I’m being lazy if I dare eat a donut in fear of gaining weight, or giving myself shame over enjoying perhaps the second donut… What gives? I logged it right!? Of course, you did, and that’s what you were supposed to do. Even in the smallest moments of enjoying tasting good, the guilt sneaks in and wants to rob the taste right off your buds in fear that everything you worked for at the gym was for a waste. Was it? Of course not! It tasted good damn, and I’m glad I ate it.
The end of the start of a depressive episode.
I have lived with depression my entire life and I know my way around my head pretty good in terms of what my surroundings are like when I fall into a trap and it typically revolves around food, and self-shame for enjoying junk food.. like ice cream, or candy.. you name it. I am so good at self shame. I constantly have to work on ways to keep my mind from entering shame mode. It’s painful once you’re there and it takes a lot to climb out of it because when you are dealing with shame it brings your why into question and if you’re why is being questioned then your identity might as well be up for grabs as well.
I’ve started this new routine whenever I start to feel danger is near I’ll just call out to Jesus in my head and ask for guidance and it seems to work. In fact, when I find myself in situations where I need an instant morale boost I can call on Christ my king to strengthen me from within. My mind, loves to play games and in past times it would win and I would be depressed. It was a common occurrence.
I’m battling off this summer cold that decided to make an ugly return into my life this past week. I’ve picked up a gnarly nail biting habit and I seriously need to stop because it’s disgusting. It’s especially gross knowing that gym equipment isn’t always the most sanitary… Even since the armpit issue a few weeks ago I’ve been extra sanitary at the gym and taking care to make sure I clean up my sweat as well because it’s equally as gross if I do not up.
Weight Training is going terrific. I absolutely love the path I am on for the gym and I can see big-time results. Which is weird because I’ve only been doing this for.. according to the app I’m using called Fitbod I’ve had 23 workouts of all time with the program and I love it! Fitbod Weight Lifting Tracker is the iOS program I am using right now and I love it. Fitbod shows me the reps I need to strive for, and suggests the weight to shoot for. I hit it every time and I push my limits hard. Fitbod will use AI (Artificial Intelligence) to predict your muscle rate of recovery and assign you to do exercises that target that specific area. It’s an excellent app and I give it my stamp of approval! It’s in the App Store and I think you get 30 days free of it, but $7.99 a month or $49.99 a year. Honestly, though, personal trainers are so expensive. $50.00 a year for equal results if not better, and in YOUR control is totally worth it. Like I always say in my Connect videos on Weight Watchers. You have to invest in you. You have to be smart about your fitness.
Thank you, Jesus, for granting me this bipolar life so that I could learn how to inspire when the odds are against you from the start. I am fighting against the statistics of bipolar depression related to suicide and I will fight until my last day on earth.
I’ve successfully had two days off of the gym which means tomorrow is Saturday and I can resume chasing my bodybuilder goals!
What doesn’t challenge us doesn’t change us