For the 2nd day in a row, I woke up with a smile on my face. This can’t be real. Surely I’m in a dream where I cannot wake up. Wait a sec! Why is my depression not zapping the morning smile? Something is wrong. This is not REAL.
I look at my previous life that I left behind and I see a person that I don’t know anymore. I’m living through my impulsive moments and I’m really thinking about CBT and continuing to reframe my thoughts and believe me when I say. It works!! WAIT… WHAT?
As I enter my 8th month of sobriety I have discovered that when I remain clean is when I am in control of my self the most. I’ve learned that if I sway off the path it will give me an immediate chance to re-introduce bad habits and bring back pain swiftly. This I know. I know that I’ve sojourned many times before and found myself in a ditch of depression. I love myself too much to allow myself to drink again. I am a strong-willed individual that can resist temptation and pressure from my peers. It is ridiculously stupid how easy it is to fall into alcoholism. mmm tastes good. #NotTodaySatan Substances do NOT rule my life.
Today was an amazing day actually! I got to see a movie with my best friend Chloe. She and I met at my previous company where we worked on a job together. Fortunately, she didn’t have a single gay man in her life and I instantly took the job. You need a gay bestie. I’m amazing. You’ll see. Fashion, Designing, Cooking? I’m definitely a winsome individual. Kid tested mother approved. Chloe is a great friend to me. She calls me on my bullshit and doesn’t let me make excuses for the shit behavior of mine or allow me to fall into an old pattern of thoughts without being yelled at. I don’t think she’s gonna read my blog though. I don’t think what I do here peaks at her interests which is totally fine. It’s fine that people aren’t as open as me.
At the end of the day, you have to find what works for you long-term. The all or nothing days are over. I am confident that this adventure of blogging and sharing my story is providing the validation that I have been searching for my entire life.
8 months clean and loving my life.