ADHD, Automatic Thoughts, Depression, Nourishing the soul

Daily commitment to love myself

IMG_0169I’ve read so many blogs on WordPress.  I absolutely love the commitment so many of us writers have made to ourselves and our readers.  It is so empowering and liberating to be able to release my inner demons onto here and know that my community supports me.  I know that I can voice my head here and not feel judged by any of you and I take that so seriously.  Thank you for the sweet comments, the likes on my entries and allowing myself to express who I am as an individual and the mental illness that I’ve come to know so well.

Today was a really good day.  I got a lot done and I’m really proud of all the progress that I’ve made since I became sober.   It’s so easy for me to forget just how difficult it was to stop drinking and become sober.  It’s so easy to dismiss the hard work because my depression wants so bad to take control of my heart and rule in darkness forever.  I repeat to myself that I am worthy.  I repeat to myself that I am amazing at life.  I need to positively reinforce the good ideas in my mind in order for me to move on.  If the emotion is too negative and I continue to stir on it I have found it unable to pass and I would start to dwell.   These automatic thoughts are a real downer and I’m really working hard on getting them under control and I feel proud of myself.

I saw my therapist today and we had a very good conversation.  I’ve been seeing my therapist for 4 years now bi-weekly for six months out of the year.  It is in my best interest to attend weekly therapy during winter months and then every other week during spring and summer.  I am very thankful for the relationship that I have with him.  We have a very good dynamic and he’s CBT teachings really speak to me.  I am really working now on putting the positive spin on my thoughts and reinforcing with positivity and confidence.  I feel like I’m getting stronger everyday and I really attibute that to taking my meds everyday and not allowing myself to skip a beat.  It’s so easy to forget me to forget to take my meds because I get so caught up in life that I just forget..  And then I forget again.. You know how the rest of that goes.

My psychiatrist advised me that I could take my Zoloft at bedtime instead of in the mornings.  I would find myself to be a zombie during the day if I took Zoloft in the morning.  I’m now on 200 mg which is the max dose and I feel like it is doing its job.  It’s working because I’m not drinking.  I have found alcohol to be a depressant and often cause excess depression episodes.  I have realized that often when I would be hungover from alcohol it would trigger a rapid cycle.  It was becoming far too often and I had to quit.

I told myself that 4 months ago and I’m still sober.  Awesome!

I’m really happy with where my life is going.  I’m working on myself and defying my problems and working towards practical solutions.

Every day is a new day.  The only goal I have for today is to remain sober and try my best to love my neighbor.


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